I'm Holding on..

i dunno how to explain or even to start a new line. i'm listening the same playlist over and over again. mebbe i'm still twisted, or mebbe i'm still naive. i'm quite confused, i hv no idea whether i shud do this or that..i'm hurt that's the fact it's much more worst than break-ups i guess!it's awkward..when you feel like you know this person very well suddenly everything vanished that person left for unbelievablythedumbestreasonu'veverheard. maybe what's left is "why?". i've known many types of ppl all mylife..typical backstabbers i guess.. i helped them went thru sadness and then they all crushed my heart. since the first time i dated a guy i never cried for them and when i've reached the words "this is exit" i never cried. but to me friends are a gift from God i gave my everything although i know now that friendship is supposed to be two ways comm not only one, honesty, loyalty, and generousity are the essentials. and i've said many times that i had bad memories with my past so mebbe i'm a bit insecure as a person. OMG i think so many ppl pretended to know and called themselves as my friend till i lost count and feel lost myself. i can't pick one by one the last five ppl from my past *HS-not my college friends theyre my true friends* they've damaged me as a person. so sad, but i know i hv to admit that as part of my therapy. it takes time but i hope with this i'll find it a lot more easier to handle. ppl would say i'm exagarrating or anything but thet's the fact and i hv to face it i can't keep all to myself i have to let it all go. i know that i'm not going to die just because of their endless mockings and hatred but hey as long as God and my loved ones here with me i dun even need each one of you.

the most amazing thing is that i never repay or hold a deep grudge against them. i keep my faith in God, and i face them with my own strength which is patience and keep quiet. i feel stronger than ever i've come to a place where feeling good is all thet count. i regret nothing from keeping my distance to them, i believe that God will be the one who speaks for my misery back then. gosh it's really2 hard even to talk about what actually happened. why i keep talking about friendship is because i'm losing my faith to those ppl from my past and it's hard to hv faith to ppl who've hurt me. even my X start blabbering to my -usedtobeoneofmyfavouritefriends- about me and the behind the scene kind of thing *what really happened to our relationship*. why are those lunatics still trying hard to ruin my life?

luckily i still hv my family who'll support me and my sist had been there when i cried because of someone special *ehem*. my sist is an amazing person, she's very strong+reliable+and very2 caring. she's so funny *not when that damn period comes!!* ahe makes me laugh all the time and she currently helping me going thru this battle. pheew this feels good just to write down my feelings and let all bad emotions go. credits to my sist who's been fighting hard to make me happy, mo mom who's being sweet and understanding, my dadda..my forever love gosh those ppl are sux and belong in hell but you fought hard for us i love you dad and i'm gonna get the sunglasses i promised you *someday* haha , my bro who's been trying *not hard enuff* and i gv u credit for trying *huh?*

*miss-c*and i miss you