Tuesday, August 14, 2007

i think it will be my last entry before a couple weeks off. its been a very busy life so far, i wonder why. early today i found a letter from an old friend. it is dated few years back and i still dont understand why do i have to keep the letter instead of throwing it into the dust bin. most probably i take it as an appreciation for their concern. or perhaps i have forgotten to read it at all. i dont remember any events that she mentioned on the letter, perhaps they were not important. i can use this 14 days off to recollect old memories. do i really need timeline at all? or perhaps as im writing this entry, i have actually remembered what she meant?. i do not know

Sunday, August 12, 2007

getting away..(updated version)

1. Name one person who always makes you laugh.

- it's obvious..my sist and my family

2. What were you doing at 5:00 this morning?

- trying to get to sleep

3. What were you doing 30 minutes ago?

- feeling bored and sleepy..

4. Who was the last person who broke your heart?

- it's a *she* not a *he*, and it's obvious she used to be one of the closest ppl i ever had

5. What is the last thing you said aloud?

- *ouch*

6. How many different things did you drink today?

- 3 types i guess

7. What color is your hairbrush?

- i hv plenty of 'em..depends on what occasion

8. What was the last thing you bought?

- a perfume for my mom, a nail color for myself, and some groceries

9. Where do you live?

- in a good place on earth

10.What color is your gate?

- yellow..

11. Where is your brother?

- beside me playing video games like he has no ears

12. How was your day yesterday?

- it was ok, very tiring but i had fun tho

13. What is the last ice cream flavour you had?

- mint choc chip..my fav as always

14. Are you an optimistic one?

- hopefully yes tho i hv many doubts but i try to be open minded and optimistic. it's very hard when i feel like every door's closing down on me. Thank God i still have faith.

15. Do u think you are okay?

- hard to say.. i'm in love with what i have and i'm grateful for everything

16. Do you talk a lot?

- I'm a chatterbox but i do enjoy my quite time reading good books

18. Are you happy with the love of your life?

- only God knows =)

19. Do you skip meals?

- yeah

20. Do you consider yourself smart?

- i prefer not to disclose my opinion on myself

21. Do you cook your own food?

- at times

22. Reason for living?

- still searching, but i do hope i can make both of my parents happy and proud for me

23. Are you typically a jolly?

- ....

24. Name one enemy of yours:

- do i have one?i'm not really sure but it's so high school thing

25. Name one close friend:

- my mom and my sist

26. Who's the first person in your phonebook?

- prefer not to disclose that!

27. What did the last text message you received say?

- dun remember..deleted already

28. Do you go to gym?

- nope dun hv much time

29. Song playing at the moment:

- my video playlist on my ipod..i'm so hooked to all of the videos

What time is now??

- almost 1 am

signing off,


Saturday, August 11, 2007

MTV sucks 100%!

i know i shouldnt say this as i still watch it sometimes when i am bored with other stations. the other day i came across an article saying that for this year mtv vma they will have justin (again), rihanna and other singers that probably already featured for dozens of time. what im trying to say that can you please invite talented newcomers instead of having the same lame singers. we watched justin last year and you want us to watch him again?. probably if justin launces an album each year we can see him twice a year on mtv. its not that i have somethin against justin. hes talented, creative and good looking but it doesnt mean he needs to be everywhere. gwen launced her album last year and i heard it was a big success as well as snow patrol. joss stone released an album last may and shes on the way of releasing her third single some time soon. can you give a chance to her and other talented singers out there to perform and show what they capable of?. i doubt you will ever notice them on the street although he/she is the next best thing. micka is huge in US but has he ever invited to TRL? or perhaps i just missed seeing him on mtv. mtv please do somethin! your viewer rate for both vma and movie awards is declining each year! you dont wanna be the next grammy right?

-just another crazy thoughts-

Thursday, August 09, 2007

hitching a ride

where am i goin after all these? no one can ever answer, neither am i. do i have to stand the rain although coldness has seeping into my bones. in the far i can see someone putting up his hand begging for mercy from bypassers. the night is freezing cold, no one wants to crack their door open to let him and his soak bag pack into their vehicles. standing 100 meters apart myself i can see his shallow but attractive face, deep lines covered his musty expressions. i cannot bear frosty wind just for a minute. i cant imagine his condition during this time of hour without his elegant sidekick. could this be his final moment of glory? theres no usual smile on his face. night grows darker and gloomier. not one of the desired help comes and pick him out of this abandoned place. disappointed as he is, still insists of moving up to the open road instead of turning back. slowly and surely, not more than few meters he will be able to see me, his good natured sidekick. i will let him talk and i, will listen like all good assistant should do. his grayish hair finally light up my heart as always. not more than two steps. his lanky legs draw closer to myself. he looks up but i can only catch nothingness on his emerging blue eyes. suddenly, i can feel my feet gone cold and frozen in matter of minutes. he hasnt moved from his position and it seems hes waiting for somethin to come up from the old winding road. minutes passes by but nothing comes out from his twisted lips. he waits and waits. finally, he cries and sceams out loud. i am furious and a bit frustrated seeing him in this state. never once in our journey he states his emotional thoughts in such awkward ways. but perhaps he has never been in pain such as this. i touch his forehead to calm him down and make sure he knows i am here for him. surprised by the coldness, i resist my intention to take back my tenderness upon his head. he keeps crying and bellowing somethin but i cant make of it. he says sorry for more than dozen of times but i cant understand why would he say such thing. he says more puzzling words for another minutes. on his knees, he asks forgiveness to the almighty God. more and more i become frighten by his actions. and then, those blazing lights come straight to us. i thought it will make us a headline news for tomorrows newspaper but it stops and i can hear the owner of the vehicle lowering his window. an aging man face pops out of muddy window. old man asks whether he can help with anything. my friend looks up and nodds. he mentions of a place that i havent heard before. old man nodds and wave his hand toward his passenger door. i am flooded with happiness. it can only means one thing. finally, after one solid hour waiting for good samaritan to give us a ride to whatever the name of the place is. however, before my hand reaches door handle, the old man decides to leave me in the deserted place. i try to scream out of my fury but isnt able to. the rain stops from falling and replace by frosting snow. each minute passes and not a single lights occur to shed my day. dark as it seems i manage to wrestle my sights to find a piece of photo. it is me and him. laughing and gigling at probably nothing at all. those glory days were hard to miss. an old photos always make my heart numb. i am not sure where and when the photo was taken. it was old thats for sure. the wind blows and pull it out off my hand. it flies aimlessly and vanishes in the dark. it suddenly strikes me as lightning crumbles a beach house. the photo was actually taken before the incident in namibia few years back. one by one each of the pieces come back in place and sets me into a journey of the past.

Tuesday, August 07, 2007

kiss me,

08 09 07..coming for you!

i've been writing too many times and my sist is still busy so she's unable to update from her last post which was posted a bit while a go. i'm also a bit buseeey..hee hee and currently i'm busy downloading NFG's videos Gosh i'm such a big fan..i love their live performances! most of the videos are in AWESOME conditions, heart NFG. can't wait for their next album which is due this fall (hopefully). i have listened to their first single which is kiss me (sixpence none the richer's cover), and it was awesome tho i havn't listened the album's version..i watched it live. kiss me is definitely my anthem during i was junior high hee hee, my mom even gave me a nickname because i sang to it everyday during my youth days hee hee. they did a good job covering my fav. song off all time.

i'm in a stage where i love blogging, i always do but now is like the very moment i'm in love with my blog (that i share with my sist). i've been feeling low lately..i hate this, inside i feel a bit empty because my friends caused me some troubles. it's frustrating at first and i have tears for them *tho i never cried for men*, but i got over it and realized that it's never end, someone will never change unless they're willing to do it, and i feel hopeles at times. i decided i need time on my own, i hope this time i will make the best desicion in my life. i'm tired of this same sick cycle carousel between me and them. dunno when this will ever end coz with friends i always have bad experiences *duh*!

i have no idea why i'm so hooked with NFG, my sist even shocked..it's been a while since the last time i was hooked with one band/singer. i'm a fan of their *coming home* album, tho many of their fans disappointed but i was more than happy the first time i heard their cd. and i was jumping around when they decided to make coverage of famous songs. i was relieved to see their usual appearances before coming home hee hee they looked good with simple shirts. tho no doubt the also look good with vest and formal shirts. hopefully this album will give them the glory they've been searching for.

signing off,



it's never easy to start a new page isn't?i hate writing on a blank page..it seems like i'm clueless at times. usually when i'm in the wrong path, and wrong time. it's A.M already and i'm still waiting for my vid download to wrap up soon..my siblings are busy with vid games (i started it off first but i got so tired so i let my sist finish the rest). i read some of my friends blogs and i never realized how far they went or how they're still the same person i once knew. pheeww..it was purely coincidence i didn't meant to be nosey since it was publicly published so i read just like other ppl. to be honest, i hate it when ppl are asking me about things in the past (especially the scars) coz i'm very extra sensitive in that area. so i do understand why some of my friends are still keeping it private about some stuff just like i do. i don't feel comfortable talking about my past, it still hurts tho i've completely moved on. but you know some things are meant to stay there forever *sux!*.

i just can't wait to see arsenal live again! yesyesyes i'm hungry for EPL..the excitements, the sad faces, the happy modes, and of course the anticipation for the new team without henry and ljunberg. i know2 i havn't said anything about their transfers it's just that when it happened i was shocked, devastated, and speechless. but i think now i know that everything happened for the best reason, and they had their best years so mebbe theyre moving along just like i did everytime i needed new challenges.

basically, mebbe i'm wise, patient, and a very2 dedicated person. but i know every single day i wake up to different challenges in life and all i can hope is to be a better person. not only better from outside but utterly for instance i need to work more on my intelligence, mind, body, and soul.

i love life, tho it's the low season but i'm still grateful for what i'm and what i have. i'm still looking for answers and i'm still growing up as a person. i don't want to be old coz it's a certain thing but i want to be wiser and all grown up. i can't shake the fact that i'm very close to both of my parents and my siblings so people might recognize me as childish or dad's lil princess or even the favourite one in the family coz it's the way the situation is. i'm what i'm..at least God judge me differently..let's see how i'm gonna be in few years!

very much sleepy and understatement..


Monday, August 06, 2007

extraordinary life leads to an unbeliaveable character of human being. i am perhaps, is one of such character. life hasnt been the same since 3 yrs ago. ive known things that probably most grown ups dont. patience is probably the main key to unlock all mysteries lie beneath the surface. can i survive another day? well it depends on how i take on today. so many things had happened before i could lit up a candle. where were you my darlings when everything i owned took a huge turn into dust?

*mentally, and hopefully*

la s t
1. Person you saw:
: mi familia..

2. Talked to on the phone
: my dad

3. Hugged
: my mom as always

4. Text:
: my dad he was trying the ym service

5. Kiss
: my mom as always

t o d a y
1. wearing
: my red dresso

2. better than yesterday?
: abso..

t o m o r r o w
1. Is
: a mystery/gift/better day

2. Got any plans
: yupp hopefully it will run smoothly

3. Dislikes about tomorrow
: the traffic jam and the surprises *oh NOOO please no more bad.foolish surprises*

f a v o r i t e
1. Number
: 9

: black/choc for tees tho i love many colours

3. Season
: rainy/winter

c u r r e n t l y
1. Missing someone
: uh-huh..badly!!

2. Mood
: in a good mood

3. Wanting
: dear God..please..blablabla

Q: first thing to do this morning?
A: wake up feeling happy hopefully

Q: Last thing you ate:
A: chicken meatballs

Q: Do you have anything bothering you?
A: yeah..hopefully it will sort out by itself haha

Q: What's annoying you right now?
A: nothing

Q: Do you believe in long distance relationships?
A: nope..it's a total crap

Q: Is there a person who is on your mind right now?
A: uh-huh

Q: Where is the last place you went?
A: kitchen

Q: Do you look like your mom or dad?
A : everyone's been saying that i look like my dad, but i have my mom's wisdom

Q: Do you smile often?
A: yeah..it's part of my goodwill haha

Q: Do you think that a person isthinking of you too?
A: hopefully

Q: Choose one to have (love, beauty,creativity)
A : alhamdulillah i have two out of three so it's a bless

Q: Are you a friendly person?
A: hopefully

Q: What color shirt are you wearing?
A: reddish

Q: What were you doing at 9 lastnight?
A: watchin tv

Q: When is the last time you saw yourdad?
A: just now

Q: Do you have more guy friends or girl friends?
A: don't really count

Q: When was the last time you cried?
A: last month i guess.. i wasn't crying i was just devastated to be exact

Q: Do you get angry easily?
A: no..i'm a very2 patient person. except if it's my bro that's testing my patience

Q: What was your last thought before you went to sleep last night?
A: dunno..i was having premenstrual symptoms

Q: What are you about to do?
A: call someone

Q: What song are you listening to right now?
A: cry me a river*cover*, understatement, head on collision by NFG is a must 4 me

Q: Would you rather be single or in a relationship?
A: i'd rather be happy and comfy with myself, my surroundings, and feeling ecstatical about my life.

Q: Do you ever check your phone waiting for someone to call?
A: not really..but it's a must when my dad's going to call me

Q: Rate life as of right now 1-10.
A: i'm blisfully happy, hopefully as life goes on my life will be even more meaningful *it is now..*

with love,


(my sist asked why i've been writing blogs recently..
guess i've been feeling like i need to express my feelings)

Sunday, August 05, 2007

done, and moving

sometimes life is unpredictable, yesterday i was told a very much bad news and i had to find some ways to solve it. and voila, suddenly God with His beautiful plans answered my endless prayers and solved it in such easy way (for Him). alhamdulillah..i think that's all i can say to explain how i feel rite now after the almost *mess*. it's magic i think the way God has it all planned for me and still i don't know what will happen in the future or who am i gonna be with for the reast of my life. i think my mom is absolutely right when it comes to her view in life...she always said just take it easy laid back a bit, go with the flow, have faith in God, always smile don't frown or u'll end up looking like 1 week old bread, take everything step by step, and one quote from my dad *be prepared for the worst and always have plan c*. heart my parents! mwah..

i've been having this uneasy feeling about a week now..and it's very2 uncomfy for me *uuugghh!!!* i wish i could let this go and tell the person about my opinion. God, i hate this feeling it's not about jealousy it's about reality and think with brain! i'm not saying i'm the right one it's just that i hate it when someone is actually making stupid mistakes without his/her consent..OMG please give me a damn clue coz i can't tell the person about this uneasy feeling of mine. i don't want to be considered as intruder/ nosey person when it's not even my business *duh!*.

shout out: please do take care of yourself, and please2 think twice before you act..no matter how good it looks like but don't judge a book by its cover. it might be sweet but the deeper it gets the more complicated the situation will be. it's better to cry now than later..regret is the biggest pain!

i like to watch lc on the hills *in case uve been living under a giant rock she's lauren conrad, laguna beach alum*. the first time i saw her when i was watching laguna beach on mtv, i wasn't a fan *tho i dunno if i'm now*. but i like her a lot..she looks good and i love her reality show. i'm glad that the hills is turning to its 3rd season because it's worth watching especially her time during work with teen vogue. i'm a very much big fan of the magazine, so it's a plus to watch the hills. hopefully i can collect all the dvds..

i'm listening to NFG's cover song called CRY ME A RIVER haha yupp that's right justin's version was good but this one is AWESOOMMEE!! can't believe they did really2 good..i'm speechless theyre very2 good at this *covering stuff*. hopefully their next album is going to sound like this one..if there's anything greater than this then i'll give them 20 thumbs up (including my parents and my siblings) hehehe. i think i love their previous work too it's amazing how a band can last after 2nd album..their songs reflect how i grew up back then. with the swearings, broken ups, ups and downs, and of course friends turned to foes. i like the fact that theyve grown into better musicians, i love them then i love them now

with love,


Friday, August 03, 2007

cooling down..

so damn glad!! hee hee, alhamdulillah..can't stop saying that!

first thing you did this morning?
- woke up and met my mom

friends u've missed?
- those from my elementary days

who did u hang out with last saturday?
- today is sat..

what's annoying you right now?
- the inconsistency, doubts, questions, and fear

do you believe in long distancerelationships?
-sorry..but no, not for me i guess..hopefully never will because it's really2 hard to cope with.

where is the last place you went?
- toilet

who is the last person you called?
-my dad

who is the last person texted you?
- my dad

do you think that someone is thinking about you right now?
- hopefully =p

do you have a crush?
- as always hee hee

do you wish on stars?
- noo..i do love stars tho

when did you last cry?
- last month when i had a serious nerveous breakdown. luckily my mom was with me

are you keeping a secret from theworld?
- yeah, i do think that private stuff belong to me only!

do you have any pets?
- i had hamsters, birds, and fishes but they passed away respectively ="(

what is the color of your bedsheets?
- it's colourful

what were you doing at 9 last night?
- surfing net

last person you talked to?
- my sist

when is the last time you saw mom &dad?
- now i'm looking at them

are you a normally happy person?
- alhamdulillah, i'm grateful for what i have

what color are your eyes?
- dark brown

last person you hugged?
- my mom

how is the weather right now?
- cold

how about your breakfast?
- hot chocolate

how about your dinner last night?
- something extra special

do you love anyone now?
- yes definitely

cheese like the best food ever?
- i love cheeseeee

would you kill people if heaven/helldoes not exist?
- of course no..i don't have the heart

which is the best place to get an inspiration, bathroom or your room?
- my room!!the best!!it's comfeeeeeyyyyyy

do you ever think about the future?how you'll gonna die?
- to be honest no..i let God guide me i dun want to be extra bummed if i can't reach for something i want just go with the flow. secondly, i dun wanna know how i'm gonna die it's way beyond my imagination

miss school times?
- not really

how would you like to descri beyour friends?
- hopefully my true friends are loyal

Do you like anyone?
- yes

Waited all night for a phone call that never came?
- yeah! so damn pathetic, but i've come to a place where i

Sad and looked up at the stars?
- it's been too long since i did that

Do you believe in love at firstsight?
- no..

Who are you thinking of now ?
- someone worth my thoughts

How are you feeling now ?
- tired, sleepy, hoping to find answers

What are you going to do ?
- edit my blog, upload to imeem, search for more NFG videos

what were you doing before filling this out?
- talked to my mom

who would you like to see right now?
- JP!!!

are you friends with any of your exs?
- only with the first one..tho my Xs are jerks. if they were good they'd still be mine

if you could be with someone right now who would it be?
- JP..!! noone else but u hee hee

are you missing someone?
- yeah

most annoying thing about you?
- nothing hee hee

how about your day yesterday?
- good, full of surprises but i got over it

how about today?
- ok!hopefully 2moro is better than today

Thursday, August 02, 2007

wishes granted..
hmm, it's been complicated for me. but i know i have to be strong..Thank God i still have my family and i still have my faith in God. life is never easy but i still feel thankful because i'm still breathing and having my life on the right track. NFG songs keep me alive..heart 'em! i'm too busy to think about what people might wanna know/say/hear beacuse i have my own life and i think i have to balance my life with my priorities.
in case you haven't heard about mary higgins clark, try to read her book *daddy's little girl* it's light, sharp, and very entertaining. for me it's a good book. not only because i'm a daddy's little girl but the case is very much complicated. heart MHC! i'm reading the second time around also by her, and so far i love it. it's different from her previous books, and better! i love the way she portrays the main character. she's a champ!
thank God for youtube! i can see my fav band live at concert..longlive youtube!
owhh.. and one thing i'm so over my ex and my ex friend. mebbe theyre currently searching for my news which sadly NONE coz i've been staying low lately. so yes GTH will ya! i'm tired to be your fingger puppet. owh and for my ex friend *yes, u!* i had my hopes really2 high for us because i thought you were good but the fact is you're not. and now when i'm moving on why are you trying to fix it up..it's damn late just like what you did to me. you're dead to me. sounds harsh but that's the fact both of them doesn't deserve to be happy after what they have done to me. liars, deceivers, bitches, cowards, morons, and betrayers. owh and for my ex..u're such an idiot if you think you might getaway with your sins..i'm never gonna wish you well!hopefully you're not the one who's gonna get the last laugh scumbag!
enuff of swearing..at least i'm happy i did the right thing! thank you God hopefully i'll be better and of course with your blessings i'll do the right thing.
mistakes are lesson learn in time..never regret *though i regret for meeting people who have hurt me* because whatever happened in the past that's going to make you a very strong and determined person.
have a great life..
finding *the one*
is like finding the right brush
for my hair..
why i said like that is mainly because as i grow wiser, it's getting more complicated to be in a serious relationship. i admit if someone propose me three years a go i might give it a go..but now, it's a heavy decision. firstly, i'd love to make both of my parents happy and proud of me. secondly, i'm definitely not ready for the big commitment because i still have commitments with my own life. as i grow wiser i think it takes more than love to make it work (it = relationship). life is never easy, so wake up and realize that life isn't always easy at times life can be bitchy. how can you be so sure he's the one? i think the only one who'll love me is God, almost second is my family.
marriage is not an escape..take it seriously. it's not about the wedding plans and honeymoon. it's about the responsibilities and the lifetime commitment. i totally disagree when young people are engaging in a very serious relationship because the victim is always the lady. take it easy, have fun *the positive ones*, and think with your brain not with your heart because heart melts but brain..it never will. i feel sorry when i read that most young marriages ended with divorce, mostly because the husbands are not ready to let go their lifesyles, their friends, and their egos. why when ladies are ready to be fully commited, men are still having the rights to have fun with their lame lifestyles? such a dissapointment. i'm not judging the women's right but i just want to know why are women rushing to be married when they already know the consequences and after few months they regret their decision. oh so L.A.M.E!
a friend of mine has already married with children, a friend of mine is having a baby without a husband, a friend of mine is eager to get married while i'm still the same 'ol girl but wiser and with better attitude. i know someday i'll be ready for marriage but not today or tomorrow. everyone's entitled to different opinions so am i. i don't like to discuss my status mainly because i don't feel it's the right thing to do it's just when the time is right maybe i'll do the honor to grab the microphone and tell all the people that keep asking me, the answer. i'm sorry it's just that for me what's private stay private. i'm not gonna kiss and tell because it's a SHAME!
my advice is, please think clearly and be wise..it's more than i love you, it's more than just the two of us, when you're married it's beyond your imagination! but if u're ready be my guest afterall i'm the spectator not the player. it's never easy, the sweet taste is only for one night the next day is still a big question mark. i'm definitely not a party girl so that's not the reason why i object premature marriage, i can cook, i can clean the house, do the housework, etc but for me marriage is something sacred. it's not something you can regret or take back your decision. it's final the moment you say yes to someone who proposes you!
my mom had my bro when she was 22, but that doesn't mean my mom freak out when i reached my legal age few months a go. she's very calm or even better she's very2 easy going. for her it's about meeting the best quality in someone not getting married at young age. i still have projects to do..though i don't plan but i hope i can settle down someday after i meet the right person just like i found the best brush for my hair heehee.
my grandma told my mom that giving birth is easy but raising your children is something extra hard. so please..make the right decision, think twice, at the end of the day it's your oqn decision. i believe God has given us the brain for us to think and decide which path we're going to pick. it's your choice leave God behind because if you fail it's not God's fault it's yours for making such a stupid mess. i believe God has created doors for us to pick, that's why we're being tested to be a better person. God has created different path, fate, and luck for each everyone of us. i hope i'm lucky enough to be a better person each and every day.
peace out,