Friday, February 29, 2008

random thoughts and more..

someone who's very close to me just broke up with her short-term bf. i feel saddened for her, one storm after another. but's i'm positive she'll come out stronger than ever. for all i know she's always been the true fighter.

breaking up is far from easy, that's why many people afraid of commitments. i had bad experiences with some of my previous relationships, but dealing with them really2 opened up my eyes about myself and trusting my instinct.

finding true love is a funny thing, someday it will uncover for each and everyone of us. it will happen the moment we least expect it to happen, at least it happens right? harharhar. such a lucky person my friend who finally could find his/her half.

once again i would like to stress that being single isn't a burden, doesn't matter what's your current status as long as life brings out the best in you i think it shouldn't be a problem whether you're in a relationship or not.

being in a relationship is full of sacrifices and must be taken seriously + wholeheartedly, hesitation isn't always bad as doubts will make you think harder and smarter. just follow both your heart and your instinct, maybe it will turn our good.

beind single on the other hand is a gift, don't take it as a big boulder thrown at you. humans are usually ungrateful..while you're single have drinks about it. take it easy, be good to yourself and learn new things in life.

i'm in a stage where i'd like to have the balance for everything that goes in my life. at the end of the day it's not about other people's opinion, because i'm the one who's carrying all the sins and punishments from God.

people can always talk and talk, but NEVER put yourself in a position where people could attack you when your weaknesses are visible to their wicked eyes. even without bad attitudes people would still talk badly.

why bother? i don't. because the important thing is i'm being honest with God and my family (including loved ones), therefore they'd always have faith in me. losing their faith, love and support would be a big loss for me.

i think time has taught me lots of meaningful lessons in life (with God's permissions and guidance of course). i've realized so many things have changed, my minds have grown rapidly without me noticing. God is AMAZING!

take care babesies..


Thursday, February 28, 2008

in a case.

obstacles bring me and my family closer not falling apart, as we all have gone through many rainbows and storms together. i'm proud to have them as my family, i'm proud to be able to say to the world how loving my parents could be and how far my siblings would sacrifice for me to stop crying.

as i'd mentioned earlier in older posts, i went through such pain during my ankle injury since last week. it was a precious exeperince, yet it was aching at the same time. the pain, the tears for healing, and the boring moments, those carried away my disbelief. alhamsulillah, Everything that i'm, everything that i have belong to Allah SWT and i'm thankful for every single thing.

even during storm, i could still find's amazingngly true. God is the safest place to lean on, the foremost, the greatest, every sincere compliments only for God. it's never been easy for us, as long as God and my family with me everything feels lighter.

alhamdulillah..once again nothing but gratitude.

will i be able to...
will there be a hope for me to reach the sky once more...
sitting with legs crossed
both hands up in the air, asking for mercy and forgiveness
dark paths lead into gleam of lights?
grasping for a reality that doesnt hold such warm welcome
quitting is never the answer

here i come to you again
hold on at nothing but a bunch of pain
let me not be shadowed by darkness
leads nowhere but fortress

i want....
but i cant...
help me to hold that...
only Him hugs me tight

Tuesday, February 26, 2008

"Am I Wrong"
[Love Spit Love cover]
Well I talk
Too muchTo myself
And I turn my back on my faith
It's like glass
When we Break
I wish no one in my place
And I've seen
You don't need their seeds
When the cut goes in deep
And I'm lost in sleep
I can't stay
In this place
I can't stand
When the room turns round
On my fate
You give no guarantees
There's no promise
I can keep
I can't stand
I can't see my way
I feel blind
On my feet
I can't stay too long
Am I wrong?
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
I'm so tired
Of my mood
And sleep comes
With a knife, fork and a spoon
You're so pale
In your face
You let life
Get in your way
And I've seen
You don't need their seeds
When the cut goes in deep
And I'm lost in sleep
Am I wrong?
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck
Goodbye, lay the blame on luck

Monday, February 25, 2008

i read an article claiming eduardos injuries could eventually become a career ending, and it threw me out off my sanity. it was before the 2nd half commenced, arsenal were losing their one of reliable strikers and clearly it shaken off everyones nerve for quite some time. they got their 3 points after theo fired to the back of the net in the 55 mins. however, the 10th man birmingham refused to back down and fired passed almunia to give them a point to go home with. i know its hell disappointing but i want all the players to look back and win the rest of the matches for eduardo. he has lost his hope to play in champs league, if let say arsenal won all the rounds and reached final, and dont let him know his team fall short behind other european clubs. win for him, and us, the fans. wish eduardo a very speedy recovery and joins arsenal next season.

picture courtesy of
David Beckham key to Galaxy win over Sydney
By Telegraph staff and agencies
Last Updated: 12:02pm GMT 24/02/2008

David Beckham played a pivotal role in Los Angeles Galaxy's 2-1 win over Sydney FC which saw his side claim third place in the Pan-Pacific Championship.

The former England captain was the Galaxy's best player as they edged out Sydney in Honolulu and returned to winning ways following a 1-0 defeat to Gamba Osaka in midweek.

Beckham set up the first goal after just three minutes, his sweeping cross picking out Ely Allen, who volleyed past Sydney goalkeeper Ivan Necevski.

Brendan Renaud equalised after 42 minutes with a 30-yard drive but the Galaxy regained the lead a minute before the break when Josh Tudela capitalised on some uncertainty from Necevski.

"It's always nice to have assists, and tonight I was able to get two," said Beckham.
"It's always good in pre-season to get games in because you get all the training you want. To get your match fitness in games is important."

Beckham took a stray boot in the chest 18 minutes into the second half but, after pacing around for a few seconds, decided to stay on, much to the delight of the Hawaii crowd who cheered his every touch.
"It's been a really good stay in Hawaii, it's just great that people enjoy watching me play, and watching the team play," Beckham said.

"That's always important, that the people, kids and everybody that comes to the game has fun and enjoys themselves."

its good to know becks succeed in his fight on the field. perhaps, this could buy out capellos trust on him. its always been difficult to compete against a 20 yrs old player. but his experience pass all the doubts. cant wait to hear more good news after this.....

sort of ankle injury.

just like a footballer my ankle was injured due to my clumsiness that brought down happiness and turned all of my laughs to tears. emo! it was the first in many years, well i fell down quite often but no injuries were noted. i didn't expect the injury would turn out quite bad, i couldn't walk without someone else's help *disabled for sure*, i was sort of lifeless..i couldn't blog coz i had to rest in bed.

when i could walk *a bit* today i decided to turn on the desktop and find my almost-lost soul again here by blogging my heart out. emo once more ppl! i miss so many ppl during my injury-time, but it's been damn amazing thank you for the prayers, support , and love. i definitely owe you a lot this time. X)

life is funny, just when you thought everything went well as planned suddenly it all crushed down in front of you and you're damn powerless. yeah it was all about karma once again, if you did something bad, life will hunt you down no matter how long the debt has gone by. it's scary what happened to a friend, i hope i'll never upset other people anymore. X)

i feel sorry for eduardo da silva, he hasn't gone into his tip-top performances and now he's badly injured. all of my beautiful thoughts are with you.


Saturday, February 23, 2008

finally, i get a hold of this page. ive been trying few times to browse certain webpages but my efforts were bitter. my internet connection is so poor i dont even had the time to check my email *sigh* i will complain about this, for sure. anyway, we both have been absent for a couple of days due to our health problems but im back. my sist is in a lot of pain after such tragic twisted ankle tragedy last thursday. she couldnt hold back her tears after a while. well, it was my turn to cry in silence as the day after, my absolutely menace dentist did something to "fix" my teeth. been having a trouble to eat, so i must be really careful with my teeth right now. it isnt nice to see in the mirror and looking back at you is someone with a different look in her face. my neighbour is making a lot of noise and im so sick listening to the wicked thumping sounds. i wonder what do i have to do with those kids? give them enough pills so they can shut down for a while.

perhaps, next time i need to install some kind of device that can track down my sist movement at all times. she tend to fall off and no one can understand why. hopefully, she can learn a lesson from her awkward "ankle drama" last thursday. but who knows what will happen. fireworks are blaring my hearing but im okay with them. its nice to see something colorful today as i wasnt able to go anywhere today. there was good news but im still flattened by the whole scenario last fall. i was frustrated and nearly gave up any fruitful hope. if it hadnt been for my family i would have certainly left with no marks. i hope everything will work out fine.

Wednesday, February 20, 2008

love beyond words.

i loved you
i still do
but we both kept the felings hidden
you never said anything
i ran away with him
but everything remains the same
i love you beyond words
if wishes could come true
if dreams could collide
if time had given us a chance
if i had chosen to be with you
seasons change
winters closing on
nights fade
days turn to years
in the same city
lost between languages
lost between seas
but love is still here
if someday
God place a door
for us to meet,
i'll be the first to open it for you

someone who's very close to me revealed her secret to me, i was in tears hearing it from her. the story was complicated and it was hurting her so much to be in a relationship where she was intimidated by her bf but on the other hand someone had waited for her but they just froze everytime they met. both *she and that guy who liked her and treated her respectfully than her abusive X* were amazing people, i love them to death but fate lead to another way. i didn't know much about her abusive bf although i knew him too. just thought everythin was fine, and now i really2 do hate that *abusive* guy for making such nice girl turned into traumatic-princess. and now that both of them *who were in love but couldn't be together* are in the same town after being separated by miles for so long, i can only pray for both of them.

love, be patient.
God'll always be with
good people like you.
may someday
both of you lovely people
be together, at last.

Tuesday, February 19, 2008

could it be any harder? to put up myself against horrendous events. but you have put yourself in so much danger in spite of your own safety. when will it stop? if tomorrow comes sooner, we will have a beautiful day and so much more. do you really believe in me? if you do come on grab my hands and i'll lift you above the sky. sky's no limit to both of us, if you only knew. you've come across the heavy traffic to carry me all around the countryside. can it be dissolved from a living memory? your convincing smile puts all the doubts away to northern island. we can be whatever we've always wanted to be. seasons come and go we'll never fall apart. breaking away from the clutches of irony, we've shed the shadow underneath the bed. we are what we are and nobody can ever prove you wrong. only shadow of a doubt put our striking steps on halt. we are once again coming to a fresh start. a question lingers in the presence of our insanity; do we have everything in order or are we already in the shamble?. we can't decide and suddenly both of us standing on different poles. those differences can't be undone. the smile, happiness, clumsy imagination vanish along the way and lavish yacht shipping our figures away from each other. saying goodbye isn't the trickiest part, but looking away from our promising yet childish dreams seems the hardest. we'll wave our hands of goodbye in this spot and we'll never forget of it till the sweetness of heaven touches our skin. future comes our way in a flash, i hope we'll see each other once more and together we'll flourish the world of mankind.

love isn't leading you the way, but your heart is
life without gilmore and the cast

when i heard no more gilmore girls, my heart's totally crushedcrushedcrushed. i've been a loyal fan since the very first beginning, but now the show's finished? *sobsobsob* pathetic. i thought the show was going until 10th season or more..and the ending was quite unpleasant too.

what have you done CW? just because you have gossip girl doesn't meant we *fans* don't need gilmore girls that miraculously have been the best example for young girls how to behave positively rather than flashing expensive clothes.

hopefully CW won't cut supernatural also from my life..if that happens there'll be no more dean and sam X(

the truth

looking at you
how amazing you've become
how judgmental life can be
i cried my heart out
for not being there
but being here
missing your beautiful presence
in my life
hurting myself
to reach out for you
catching my breath
taking away my disbelief
always the smile
never the frown
you always cheer up my days
you never fail to light up my mess
such an angel i said
that always amaze me
i wish i could be there to hold you
i wish i could see you smile once more
i didn't lie
when i told you how much i cared
no matter how extreme
i want to hide my feelings
ever pain
every tears
but, i can't seem to cover myself
with stupid words
when it goes back to you
the loving person in my life
seem very right
when you show me how
i'm sorry for all the sorrow
you don't deserve it all
angelic ways
humanly fleshed
no such thing as sin-less

Monday, February 18, 2008

radiant smile.

Is there someone you wanna date right now?
// hayhayhay chow yun fatt/ken watanabe.
someone who could give me butterflies and sparkles at the same time.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked?
// usually i stopped liking someone, when the sparkle btwn me and him faded or God showed me he wasn't the one BUT, i'm still hanging by a moment at this time hayhayhay

What is your full name?
// something really2 nice *but won't show it here*

Name a quote from the song you arelistening to?
// what have i gotten into this time around,
none of that ever seems to matter when i'm holding you

How is life going for you right now?
// it's been doing pretty wonderful for moi,

Who was the last person to comment you?
// some junior from HS

// many but i won't live my life being ridden by regrets

What was the reason you last cried and when?
// i'm being emo lately..but it's been a while since i cried myself out, maybe it's just little bit tears in the back of my eyes

Is there a meaning behind your profile song?
// nothing, just a song me and my sist both love so much

Do you have a best friend?
// yeah, i conside God as my bestest, most loyal, true listener. but my family are also the biggest influeneces in my life. beside God and family, i consider other as friends as long as they treat me respectfully.

what's the reason behind your defaultpicture?
// nothing particular, just random pic my sist took when we were in anya hindmarch's boutique

Have you ever hated someone, but endedup being friends with them?
// i was on their list but they ended up realized their mistakes and naturally, we became friends and started everything from nothing.

What do you think of people who don'thave sex before marriage?
// alhamdulillah, at least there are people who value their virginities more than lust. i *hopefully* also would love to stay V until my first night. insya allah amiiiieeen!!

Ever had the opposite sex over when noone was home?
// noone as dad and my bro?

Do you believe that what comes aroundgoes around?
// yes, i believe in karma. call me believer i don't care but i believe that if i do good to other people someday the good deeds will return and favour me.

What is your favorite fruit?
// orange, apple *pink lady!*, cherry, plum, durian,

What are the most important things in any relationship?
// commitment, faith, loyalty, COMMUNICATION, love and passion for each other.


Sunday, February 17, 2008

i didnt watch FA cup match between man utd vs arsenal. i am sincerily glad though, as arsenal crumbled to the ground with 4-0 loss to the home side. its a match without much fighting, i supposed. i dunno what happened during the game as i have probably already asleep. but without regret i say, there will be much greater burden to wengers side if they indeed had won the match. at least, they can focus their entire effort to win champs league and premiere league. if there was a hope of lifting trebles, i am certain no one is wishing anymore. keep goin guys...
my friend, i miss you badly X'(
somehow my heart tells me
something's not right..
somehow i feel like i need you
(if only you could understand)

Saturday, February 16, 2008

i am extremely happy today as i have bought lots of video games and honestly, i havent in my life bought as many as this time. well, i can safely say that i will be disappointed with some of them. games, like any of us, have tendency to fail. although they may not as good as resident evil, i still believe fun times are hard to get these days. no matter how bad they are, i will try to enjoy them as much as i can and i am certain my sist will do too. happy gaming guys....

Friday, February 15, 2008

it means nothing if i haven't got you..
(stereophonics, it means nothing)

when my emotion mixed up

so v'day brought nothing but sadness to me and also boredom that lead to another teary-eyes. dunno why i got sooo emotional lately, maybe it's the time of the month. i usually take things easy and laid back a bit but yesterday brought mixed up feelings that made me feel all the stupid feelings i haven't felt in such long period.

damn gutted alright. me and my friends planned to meet again *continuing the reunion kinda thing* but some of them said they can't make it. damn..i'm bummed coz all of this bad news. my bff showed up in chatroom but he couldn't chat with me coz his internet connection sucked!! he promised to chat for me tomorrow..which is today but he didn't show up and leave me feeling miserable hixhixhix

i don't know what's happening, emotional as i'm right now..God i was such a moron, i deleted cute pictures from my camera without even moving them into my flickr album. greatgreatgreat thank you for ruining your own mood! blah, i was very creative using my red-cam but i deleted all of the pictures myself without realizing that the pictures were un-transferred yet. W!

at least my mom's hairstylist gave a very nice-cute compliments about my new 'do and my dad said i look thinner harharharhar. *deep breath* and also a present from my sist that really2 uplift my mood. thank you dear!!

i miss my friend, he's a true star in my eyes.. adorable loving-life person which i adore so much. i really2 miss him, we haven't had a proper conversation since months a go which was also in chatroom. i kind of feel afraid, sad, and let down by his odd behaviour. why can't you be here with me when i need you the most? if only wishes could come true just like when i mean every word i'm saying?

i miss so many people right now, i just wanna see them..i'm dying with my own pool of tears. ok, now i'm getting emotional and it really2 bugging me because usually i'm much better than this. *deep breath* yeah i'm doing so much better than last week when i first had my allergies-that-lead-to-fluholic back, i mean i knew i was ok but i kept on sneezing which made my mom worry as if i'm really2 sick. thank you for the prayers..i'm doing much2 better. alhamdulillah.

enough swearing, enough writing off my emotions..enough sneezing



Thursday, February 14, 2008

few days a go, i feel,

very much
ashamed, faceless, and ........

whutdhell..things happen
move along then.

Wednesday, February 13, 2008

finally home.

i chatted *again and again* with someone i hold dearly in my heart. i still remember the first time i met her, she was the new girl ins chool and i was her senior. i didn't really know her much except the fact that she went to the same elementary school as mine.

i was really close with this guy friend that actually famous for calling me mom in school, he was older than me tho. i think tha fact that i cared so much for him made him realize that i was like a mum to him. so that so-called-son dated the lovely chick i mentioned above for quite a while. he asked for my permission and also my opinion, since he was totally in love with this chick and the fact that i didn't really know her i gave him the ok sign.

he introduced me to her, i got to know her a little bit better. she became one of the closest person during my last year in HS due to moreenemies-lesfriends. she called me mom too, and we even had diary together *iknowiknow it's damn lame*.

but holding hands doesn't mean we had no disagreements, i think that fact that i fell out with some friends that affected my relationship with my so-called-son really2 contaminated my relationship with his gurl (lovelychick). sobsobsob, we carried on, she moved to another town due to her parents' request following some bad news that spread out about her dysfunctional relationship.

she broke up, no news from her. i got so busy with my life and suddenly i caught her on tv and i was sooo damn happy for her. we made few contacts but we both had issues to deal with.

after quite a while, i found her profile on FS and contacted her. yeah, we did that bombay-tears kinda thing harharhar thank God i could finally talk to her once again coz only she could make funny voices that's definitely will crack me up.

hunnybun, i love you trully and deeply. you're one of the sweetest gifts that i feel thankful for, it's amazing to share something special with you although it's been too long since we hugged each other. miss you too dearest../mommyalwaysloveyou/

keep praying, i wish, hopeful as i have always been. it's never easy, at least faith will take me somewhere someday. *eisleyian*

through the pain, i always tell the truth *oxford comma. vampire weekend*
i havent posted any news from our most beloved football superstar, david beckham these past days. its a good news for him! yes, his juicy underwear ads have apparently scored magical record. this is an article i have taken from the daily telegraph....enjoy....

THE world's sexiest soccer star, David Beckham, has a flourishing career as an underwear model after his saucy ads for Armani jocks sent sales soaring.Perez Hilton reports show London stores receivied an incredible 150% "rise" in sales just in the first day alone after the ads were placed. Apparently, fans are so in love with the photo, they are flocking to the stores to view the larger ads. It seems if Becks ever wants to retire from soccer, he'll have a lucrative career as an underwear model.
as a child i had had tremendous dreams that yet to be flourished. when they will be coming as a reality? pondering till my fate fades away. faith will take me far...

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

i'm a new soul in this very strange world lalalalala X)
no more holding back.

i bumped into one of the nastiest Xs ever existed. i don't know who mentioned i was coming to my 'ol HS, but out of nowhere he was accidentally there and met me in person after years avoiding him. he was as usual smiling, pretending, selling bulls, but i was acting cold. sorry, but he wasn't worth all the smiles and nice treatments..i mean even i got along quite well with my ex-arch enemy but him? he was total different story.

seeing him, was some sort of total recall. it was painful and it was definitely showing that i can't stand him no more. he was the cause of my miseries, time hasn't shown much of his maturity. it still hurting me as it was back then..moving on has nothing to do with the pain inside. maybe some will react differently about this, but to me he's still the same character-killer as he used to be and accepting the fact that he mentioned many false news really2 bother me.

breaking up with him was pretty much hard to deal with because of his antics that kinda made me soured up. pleaspleaseplease you've done so much that really2 *outofwords* pissed me off so don't pretend like you never did something or talked bad about me. blahblahblah liars will always be liars.

there's no room left on my back it was damaged long a go, though you swear that you're true i still pick my friends over you.
i love wearing nail lacquer..
my sister even nag at me
coz i always change 'em often
feeling superiiooorr
peace out babe,
f 'n' f

i have finally met with my friend *ex arch enemy i mentioned on earlier post*..unexpectedly we got on really2 well. before the stupid incident that happened in the past, we were what they called close friends (bffs are damn overrated). she was planning to held some sort of reunion *not sure if i want to make it*. at least we were being honest after soooo damn long avoiding each other. *the walls are finally crumbling down*

i chatted with a friend that i didn't get the chance to know better when we were schooling together *he was uber-cute 2 me..laughing all the time harharhar i wonder if he was being nice or being himself*. it feels really nice to be able to open up and be myself after being undiscovered for so long. can't wait to see good 'ol friends, it's been too long i guess. if only we spent the whole time being nice and cute.

i didn't hide because i want to but i was definitely undiscovered and when there was someone reminding me to stop being pretentious. i got the he was the bestest friend of mine, he only wanted the best for me. i wish we could talk more often so he'd know what went on lately. i miss you deeply..*sobsobsob*. he's one of those guy friends i really2 trust right now, such a shame i have to share you *yikes!*

i also chatted with my junior just now, she was the ex to someone who was really close to me he called me his "mom" although he was older than me harharhar coz i was always the wise one. it's funny coz at the end of the day, she was closer to me than to anyone else even after she broke up with "my sunnyson". such a babe..she's very2 lovely. i miss you too lovely. we try to catch up everydayyaaaay..X)

it's been damn good, as i've said before this year's beginning to shine for me hmppfffhh after all this while. finallyfinallyfinally. alhamdulillah, no need for more words only gratitude.

bye sleepyheads,

off to sleep now babelicious-es.


Sunday, February 10, 2008

where's my lovely train? i have been left alone without your bright cars passing along the deserted stations.
arrogant sky scrapper triumphs against your tiny figure.
how am i going to keep you by my side?
no sights are able to be viewed.
however, you will always stay close to me, to my huge relief.
hissing inching to my ears as good as they tap my round shoulder.
will i miss your tangible solid feature?

can i be at your service?
pleased to see your happy face once more.
do we have something in common?
we are total strangers in the midst of a lonely world.
we have met somewhere foreign but yet so close to my heart.
your warm smile touches my heart as breeze pushing away stagnant hot weather.
we are so far apart, but i have you near my vision.
the scent of your perfume tingles my nostril.
familiar sight, different timezone.
standing closer to a platform, waiting for the train to stop its muscular figure.
bending a little to catch the sight of it; emptiness clouding my surface.
across the platform, you are standing seeking a way to fly out of the station.
train arrives with its usual dignity; cars as many as 4 winding their way to already empty station; blue and black covers the whole of scenery as the train halts.
yours too, arriving in the nick of time.
it's covered with jet blue sky.
sitting close to the side window looking sideway.
there you are....looking past through the tainted glass smiling toward myself.
we may head to different places at the same time, but i can feel you here.
the train beginning to tremble forcing its way to a very shiny morning, whereas, your train heading home to its depot surrounded by gleaming lights.
two different homes, one destination.
perhaps, we could see each other once more amidst all the odds.
a warm welcome celebrates my appearance, on the other side lights embracing your existance.
deep inside i honestly believe, we would be seeing each other. but not too soon.

Saturday, February 09, 2008

flaming.damn random!

i had tons of fun yesterday, i went out wit my sist and my sist's friend (like a sist to me too). my friend was supposed to go out with us but she was out of town. we took 100 pictures of us harharhar i think it was more than that, we went to 4 places a day and it was phenomenal. the fact that everyone was in the mood for fun *especially my sist's friend* really2 made the day. my friend was damn jealous when she heard the news harharhar. i bet her anger will get even worst when she sees our pics..damn girl you missed such fun yesterday!

ok, time for family-quality-time aka meandmommy time..

bye babes.

finishing touch

He let enthusiasm
got a grip to himself
never let it fade
the fire
that holds every hope together
endanger every self-belief
the meaning of it all
lead to more questions
do they have the guts
to put it all together
to scream in silence
fading in silence
the night crawls
the sun sets deeply
no more cloudy days
no more sunny days
it's silent
it's creepy
welcome to every brain's nightmare
welcome to his life

Thursday, February 07, 2008

as ive been posted earlier that becks sits comfortably on the 1st spot as the most sexiest footballer. i didnt know there was a vote being conducted, if i had i wouldve said yesss. anyway, there were few articles stating about yesterdays match and england won by 2-1. well, i still think its too early to say anything as switzerland are not in fight of a title. its a friendly game and im 100% convince that it wouldve taken goliaths to beat swiss at their own turf. sad to say, i didnt watch the game myself so i cant give a fair comment on their performance. i hope becks can prove to the haters how he can do more than just lip service. i have never seen a player who can talk as much as david bentley, well except jermaine pennat of course. he has been blabbering about how good he is and ready to replace becks coz hes so much better than the star himself. he feels that hes far better on his feet as well as his looks. well, if he says so. time will tell. if lets say, capello ditch becks and turn his head toward a much more young players, we cant say anything until he faces a problem like ste-c had last term. im glad becks is ready to play for competitive matches this march and has something to do this summer while his teammates bite their tongue watching other nationals play their part in EURO 08. go becks....we count on you....*sigh* wish there was coverage on LA Galaxy matches....
its a always been a good news if becks sits on top of anything. according 2,500 female football fans (conducted by the people's club) becks is still the sexiest footballer around. there are numerous names both young and experienced players such as francesc fabregas, joe cole, francesco totti etc. well, lots have been said about him but we still think hes the hottest around. i'll tell about it later....

Wednesday, February 06, 2008

"Your Guardian Angel"

When I see your smile
Tears roll down my face
I can't replace
And now that
I'm strong I have figured out
How this world turns cold and it breaks through my soul
And I know I'll find deep inside me I can be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

It's okay. It's okay. It's okay.
Seasons are changing
And waves are crashing
And stars are falling all for us
Days grow longer and nights grow shorter
I can show you I'll be the one

I will never let you fall (let you fall)
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all (through it all)
Even if saving you sends me to heaven

Cuz you're my, you're my, my, my true love,
my whole heart
Please don't throw that away
Cuz I'm here for you
Please don't walk away and
Please tell me you'll stay woah, stay woah

Use me as you will
Pull my strings just for a thrill
And I know I'll be okay
Though my skies are turning gray

I will never let you fall
I'll stand up with you forever
I'll be there for you through it all
Even if saving you sends me to heaven
[to fade]
By The Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
random feelings

i love reading other people posts on their blogs, they very much inspired me in some ways. i love bloog-oh-ging as much as i love taking photographs and listening to music. well today i've finished watching ocean 13 and silent hill *for the 4th time* and currently still reading the 37th hour *by Jody Compton. the book is my fav genre, thriller detective kind of way *in another life i must be a very talented cute-detective harharhar*.

i remember the last time i visited my hometown *always glad to be back there*, i had tons of fun..the best laughters, the best daring gossips, and the best culinary-hunt ever. no matter how the government deal with lots of things i'm still in love with every inch of my country. i didn't choose this current loser-president so don't put the blame on me sickos put the fingers back to you.

blah, i hate when i talk about politics, it's damn complicated and pretty much full of filths and lies. sorry for the lack of photos..maybe next time i'll post some photos of me and my sist's faces and of course some of it will be about our daily 'boring' lives. ^_^

i'm out of ideas, my friends are getting married..hahaha they even asked me when am i going to follow their steps? hmm i have to say it's not my priority BUT never say never. my parents' happiness is definitely on top of my list, if it makes them happy insya allah i'll do it. maybe my wed-ceremony will be so much fun..having someone loves you back is definitely worth all the sacrifices in the world. i love the feeling of being loved, it's an amazing feeling.

i feel blessed *alhamdulillah*, hopefully i will continue feeling thankful.

off babes,

eisleyian got new bangs!

you fall
i catch you
your heart's broken into pieces
i mend it all for you
you crawl
i crawl behind you

you're ecstatical
i'm in no mood for a grin
you're happy
i'm completely forgotten
you're sleeping gracefully
i lie awake

do you see
the difference
between being there
and being invisible
but actually there?
i guess you're too busy to notice

keep selling them
i keep denying them
they're bogus

why can't you and me
communicate lively
so explanations will come in handy
so we'll see deep inside of things
me and you keep on taking chances
that someday'll be regretted

starvation for truth
begging for mercy
will there be another chance to change?
do i know you?
or do i know you this much?

please don't despise, notice that something's terribly wrong. everything's always been under rug swept as if they were not old enough to communicate properly using their much-functioned brains. life goes on, this has been going on since they first met. the key to this maybe communication..but how to communicate when they don't even talk no more, no hi-goodbyes only feelings thats best kept inside they say. by keep on arguing in silence, sudden make ups, and keeping everything wrapped inside it's unhealthy no more it's sick!

Tuesday, February 05, 2008

second thought

i'm having a sore throat.
that means flu too..
all of this suffering
because of allergies.
i truly hate this..

i've got new bangs that currently under tight-wrapped.
wonder what others will say?
i'm bored
i'm going to take a shower
well to me that's a hard work
is it?
or a m i being too self-conscious?

take care,


he may have been discarded, but he still david beckham. he had been rejected before but nothing could have stopped his passion for football. how many times we read from the headlines of newspaper all over england regarding his fitness and age. but no one doubted him when he replaced shaun wright-phillips after halftime during qualifier against croatia. peter crouchs equalising goal in the 2nd half (courtesy of becks brilliant cross from right wing) put england on a comfort seat. after that second, the crowd was growing louder and confident england would be going to austria-switzerland after all. nightmare befall upon them and none shant forward. his life goes on and contrary to what people say, he will never die crying on something like this. england might win matches without him but i doubt becks will ever be jealous of his teammates unlike some of them on him. its never been about 100th cap to him. his prioriy of course, helping his team to qualify WC 2010. however, some people might misjudge his intention and quickly claiming him as ego maniac. but to many brits despair, this summer EURO 08 will take place and they can do nothin except sitting in living room watching tv with their hands both cupped against their ears while becks is busy playing his part with LA Galaxy. hopefully, he will be able to play all matches unlike his first season which he had to sit out watching his teammates crashing down. i just wanna say....happy summer for all england players...

Monday, February 04, 2008

well, im back but not too pleased with things that happen at the moment. connection has been really slow and havent been able to do much. i am trying to upload photos though unsure whether it'll work. theres a warning sign below stating my unstable connection and soon it disconnects everything between my world and the others. i know i must act before it crashes down; once fallen, we are well drowned below. i can merely guess what will happen in the next few days. temptation holds me close and ready to pounch everytime i turn my head sideways. i hate the feeling of being pulled in two different directions; turning hard left and find myself against gigantic walls along the line; choosing right path isnt the best way of goin away from all hell loose. decisions cannot be made in a day and certainly isnt possible to be taken far off from the deadline. difficult but yet so simple. all are fading away....your image is also glowing at the same time. those tingling touches remain steady on my skin; never goes away....dashboard confessional....

Friday, February 01, 2008

i am deep down in **ithole. what can i say? i am, a person who is far from perfect. in times, i'd scream out of rage. and other times i'd sit back and watch people passing me by. its no secret i'd love to see my wishes come true esp when it comes to my passion. its true that nobody should go beyond limits, but im not finished; not just yet. ive been denied few times before and i wont back down, esp now. anyway i have read an article from and had to grimace a couple of times reading so many headlines about becks exclusion from the squad. heres a good response from becks before the announcement and brilliant comments from managers in premiership...

The 32-year-old insists he will not call time on his international career. Speaking before the announcement of his omission, Beckham said: “I have always said I want to be available.“That’s what I did when Steve McClaren dropped me.
“Deep down, I did not think I would ever play for England again.
"So to be on 99 caps is great. It’s more than I dreamt of. If I am not in the squad, I will carry on working hard and trying to get back in.
“I won’t get bitter and twisted because I am old enough and I have got enough respect for the manager to realise that if it does not happen, life goes on.
“I have been lucky enough in my career to come back from tough times and disappointments.
"If it doesn’t happen [winning a 100th cap], I will come back from it again, in my way. If it does, then great.”

But speaking on Friday, four Premier League managers begged to differ.
steve bruce

"Most would say he deserves it," said Wigan boss Steve Bruce of a potential 100th cap.
"I've known the lad since he was boy and I'm sure David won't give up the ghost and will still be determined to get that 100th cap.
"I'm sure many people will feel the way he's led the country and been a good ambassador and what he's brought to English football means he deserves it. I do sincerely hope he gets the opportunity to get 100 caps.


Speaking to BBC Radio 5 Live, Aston Villa's Martin O'Neill agreed. "It would be great for him to get 100 caps, he deserves to," said the Ulsterman, who had five of his own squad called up by Capello.
"I'm sure the chance will come around again. I take on board Mr Capello's view that he has not played for a considerable time and I know that the idea of just earning caps for the sake of it is not in Capello's nature. Having said that, if there is anybody in the last decade who deserves 100 caps for England then it is David."


Harry Redknapp, meanwhile, opined that if Capello did have doubt's over the players fitness there was surely no better time than to award him the honour of the international century than in the forthcoming game against Switzerland. "I thought this friendly would have been a great chance for David to get his 100th cap. He deserves it," said the Pompey boss.
"He's been a terrific player. There is a problem because he's playing away (in America) now but I don't think it would have done any harm to play him. It would have been nice to give it to him in a friendly and if the manager then didn't fancy him we could have moved on from there."


Beckham has been voluntarily training with Arsenal during the American close season in order to maintain match fitness, largely with a view to participating in February's Switzerland friendly. And having had the chance to see Beckham at the Gunners' complex in Hertfordshire, Arsene Wenger believes it's only a matter of time before he rejoins the England fold. "I hope he does get it because he deserves it and he works extremely hard," said the Frenchman.
i am deeply disappointed with capellos decision to leave out becks for upcoming match against switzerland. his reason was simply bcoz he has other options who he feels deserve to be appointed and 100% match fit. becks as we know hasnt had any offcial match since october 07. anyway, capello has hinted that becks still has a chance to prove himself as capello is ready to pick becks back in the squad when hes ready and 100% match fit and that means he has to wait until MLS season is starting. but it wont guarantee becks inclusion in the first squad. he has to, yet again, wait for capellos view about MLS league which many people regard it as a lower level compared to european football. well, i am devastated but becks has ample time to give his best for his team. if hes not picked, he already has 99 caps under his belt. not many players have the privilege to do so. he has to move on if lets say capello disagree with us, becks fans. whenever england facing trouble, becks has always been the scapegoat. perhaps, for the first time in many years becks will finally have his days off the headlines, from football perspective anyway. i understand he will not be playing for england for the rest of his life but, there it is. im gutted all the way to timbuktu. another article from skysport website (thx to beckham-fans online) noting arsenal players response after capellos announcement of his squad this week. enjoy...

Cesc hits out at Becks axe
Gunners star says Beckham should have won 100th cap

Arsenal star Cesc Fabregas has hit out at Fabio Capello's decision not to include David Beckham in England's squad against Switzerland.

The former England captain currently sits on 99 caps for his country and had hoped to use this month's friendly at Wembley to join an elite club.

However, with LA Galaxy in their close season, Capello has opted to omit the 32-year-old for his squad due to lack of match fitness and sharpness.

Beckham had been training with The Gunners in a bid to win a place in the squad and Fabregas believes it is a shame his ability has been overlooked.


"It's a shame you know because he's been training with us for a month now," Fabregas told Sky Sports.

"He's been working hard and it's a shame.

"I think there should have been a little more respect and the honour of 100 appearances given to him.

"Not a lot of people so do it, so it's a bit of a shame."