Thursday, December 28, 2006

/undiscovered notes/
the title is my fav song ever, i think this song was my break up anthem. it defines the situation that had actually taken place with my loudmouth ex. and yes after so many pages flipped through, he still talks about me *gosh such a big fan*. i mean for me, he hurt me so much till the point where i can't even talk about him anymore. people around him believe what he says and he's buying them with lies and deceits. it's hard..i wasn't ready at all for the war. i mean i thought he'd never-ever do that *the talking, the dramas, and the stories* coz i thought i knew him quite well. and then suddenly he made fliers and showing up in events just to declare that he just broke up with an idiot and became themostwanted bachelor *as if*. it's funny coz i've been moving on quite well and i accept the separation quite differently. i keep the secrets only for me, only my sist knows the real pain. after i broke up which had happened 3 days before my *@#* birthday, i only told my sist and my bestest loyal friends, but he has been story telling even to people who hates me, people who used to have respects for me, and people that don't really have to know. it's weird coz once again i have to go through this, yesterday someone told me that my ex'd shared stories about me to some friends. i didn't expect my ex would act that way, it's pathetic to search for ppl attention. if he'd told this person some shits then i bet he'd also told the world about the inside story. if he wants me back *still* then he shouldn't have thrown pie on my face, why can't he be more realistic and a nice gentleman?no gentleman would say shits about their exs. even i didn't make up stories just to search for ppl's attention although i'm the one who dumped him. our relatinship was dysfunctional, he's dillussional, and i feel sick of him, people don't see what i saw of him. i don't have respect for him anymore, i've seen his true colors and i think he should be ashamed after killing half of me, spreading nasty rumors, and deceived me. after what had happened between me and him, i took some time off just to repay my family's and friends kindness. i build myself from ashes, and i had fun doing it. until now noone exactly hear anything from my camp and noone knows my real status. coz i don't want people to dig more, i've had enough of people trying to ruin my life.
i said goodbye to my ex coz i have my own reasons. people might say it's lame, but i believe they have the right to say anything and i have my right to keep it all to myself. i want him to know that i regret what he'd done, it'd have been lovely to be friends after we broke up. well at least God shows me his true qualities, he's a loser. i feel sorry for him, it's been long enough yet he still talks about me *unforgettable ey?*. loneliness made him do that, he realized noone would love and care about him the way i did. well afterall he lost me because of his own mistakes so he shouldn't have talked the way he talk about me coz he's the guilty part. i made the biggest mistake by letting him entering my life *gosh my teenage life vanishes when he entered*. i'm so tired of his explanations and his bullshits. i should've listened to my sist's advices, my mom's advices, and my own inner vioces. we're not meant to be together *hopefully never* and we're leading different lives *we're totally different in many ways*.
just to let him know that i feel sad the way he's been talking about me. it's not about what others might want to think or feel but it was supposed to be about me and you. you took wrong path and i feel disgusted coz you chose to put a fire between us. i wish things would have been different than this coz it's hurting when someone i cared *used to* suddenly became someone full of lies. i knew him more than he knew me even i saw deep inside of him. people misjudged him as *perfect*, he's not flawless i saw his flaws and he's not superior. i believe that someday God will talk for me, it's no use for me to talk coz for me it's O>V>E>R and it's D>O>N>E nothing left for me to defend or to talk about. it's not going to end coz i know he'll still talk no matter what so let God do the judging. it all ended long time a go, it's too late for reasons, i've moved on.

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