the long wait.

i'm hopeful

tho i'm also doubtful

i've always been like this

always in between

never a risk-taker

always saving my own self

egoistic?

i don't think so

as optimistic as i'm

sometimes my self-esteem falls to zero

i'm stuck

can't go forward

all i could do is sit pretty

and wait for my path to come

can't go back

coz there's no door

that leads to my past

locked with the biggest gold metal lock

i'm sure

but i'm also unsure

forever seems absurd

and words are just words

but humans are destined to feel

if only wings were made to meet

leaves are falling

so as my hopes

tumbling down heavily

stars are shining

but my hearts glowing dim

forever seems harder than sleeping in tent

i wasn't ready

i was out of breath

my breath was taken by wind

it came

it took away my heart

and it flies too far

how to catch my heart back

how to smile

when the reason to smile

is nowhere near

naturally

logic will come to realize

and force your feelings to go away

unnatural as it may seem

i can't push myself over the edge

maybe i choose to be here

maybe it's my own fault

maybe i should stop questioning myself

maybe i should live learn and love everyday

like i was told by my inner deep voices

the room

starts to spin

shadow starts chasing me

lights are fading into thin dust

i'm crushed in a robotic wave

i'm crying in a crowded pack

i'm swimming different to the current

slave to the foolish wish

so as my soul begins to ache

let me fake a smile.