Tuesday, December 09, 2008

show time

it is funny how often i put titles ahead of my writing. some people would leave it blank until he/she reaches end of  the paragraph and decides what title would suit his/her essay. it is comes out of my head just like that as if my head is synced into the computer. i rarely find any difficulty to fit a title for my essay, but of course no one is pefect. i did mention yeaterday that dad came talking to me over the internet that he had something to show us. well, he mentioned he bought chanel shawl after much of walking in his program of 'getting to know what's around me' kinda stuff. i am impressed by his determination to grab what is foreign to him and suprisingly, he remembers those maze like streets from anywhere in the world. he hasn't been living in the same country as we are but he still remembers exactly where to take turns and stop at the same time. he's a professional pilot and has been a pilot since bob marley sang his songs. my sister always says "dad's brain is nothing like human being. his brain is a world map with gps taking control". unlike some of us, he knows places and rarely get lost even though he has only been in the place once. when dad has gone and brought his stuff and attention to somewhere else, i usually will be the person who takes charge of getting my family home safely without going around aimlessly. when my brother forgets his parking spot, i will be showing him directions how to get there. and when both of my sister and mom trying to find a boutique, i will gladly be a tour guide. it doesn't happen everytime but mostly i will be the one who answer the call. growing up in a household that consists no  'real' elder brother, can really sting me in the ass. big gap between us dosn't mean he can be reliable and countable when things get tough. since 4 years ago i had to take that responsibility and carry it around my shoulder, so that i can keep my family intact. honestly, i want all that 'priveleges' out of my way and let me be myself once more. however, no one can turn back the clock and what's done is done. this habit of taking everything on my own hands creeps me sometime. for example, helping out. every morning my mom will do house chores, starting from brewing coffee, wash dishes, do laundry and so on and so forth. blessed with morning alarm i inherrited from my father, i usually will be the first to hear her steps bustling about in the kitchen. knowing that my sister is probably still holding her pillow tightly on her arms, i make my way to the kitchen. once i have ignored this and guilt was all over my head. i will always be the negotiator and decision maker at the same time although we usually do collective ideas before coming up to a certain solution.  this makes my life a bit of roller coster ride people...

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